After ALS Thoughts Part 1

Well, I am now a couple of months out from my dear Alisa's death on Oct 8. 2024, feeling inadequate again about not writing much in this blog, which I had wanted to do, inspired by Ron's friend who died from ALS. Having a sad moment right now, just missing her, and feeling crushed by what she had to go through. I was right there with her of course, but I was focused on helping her through whatever challenges she might be having in the moment (and possibly in coming weeks), rather than really sitting with what was going on. And when I had a break from caregiving, I really needed an actual break, rather than sitting with what she was going through. Of course we grieved the losses together as they came (riding the waves of loss, as Laura so aptly put it), but for some reason, now, after she is gone, when I think about what she went through, it hits different, as the kids say. And it hits hard, to think of how excruciating it must have been for her to lose almost all the functions of her body. And it is natural I expect to second-guess myself about how I handled things, but I do know that I did the best that I can, and many people, both professional and personal, expressed admiration for what I did for her.

As usual I struggle to "finish" these posts, because I am often unsatisfied with them until I have included all the things. But I am going to let that go, and just leave this at my observation of how hard it is for me to think back on the absolutely crushing losses that she suffered constantly, and how incredibly Brave she was in getting through them. How terrible I feel for her, and how much I miss her.

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