Further ALS observations and my own health

Not sure when this was written, but probably in 2023. 

 Well, as with many of my journaling efforts over the years, this one has faltered. I'd like to think that I have a better excuse this time, what with working full-time and caregiving to an ALS patient, my dear Alisa. And yeah, that is a very good excuse! Certainly the best one I have ever had. It doesn't, however, take away from my desire to record what we are going through in something approaching real time. The Caring Bridge site does that to some extent, and Alisa has been great at posting there.

We have been trying to practice self-compassion over the last few years, even pre-ALS, so I won't get too down on myself. I am also experiencing the care-giving process as a what I am calling an "experience in empathy," and also of compassion. I have of course been challenged by the care giving, but overall think I have been handling it well. Other than I had a recent incident of going to the hospital after I was feeling a bit dizzy and lightheaded while preparing for a trip to Montauk in June 2023. Called Blue Cross nurse, who proceeded to get me to check my BP, which was sky high. She then proceeded to connect me to 911. Cop shows up, shortly followed by EMTs, who hooked me up to BP and ECG. Nothing on ECG, but BP continued to be high, so recommended hospital. Ugh. Found care for Alisa (thanks Debbie again!), so agreed to go, my first time in an ambulance. They brought me in on a stretcher and unceremoniously dumped me in the waiting room, where I waited for HOURS to be seen, and when I was, I got to experience the American bed the the hallway routine. They ran every test in the book, and basically found nothing, all the while, my BP was coming down. So I was released on my own recognizance, and took an Uber home.

Felt a bit unsteady for about a day, but managed to get packed up and make it to Montauk the next day. Woke up that night with a bit of a racing heart. Cody, Rebecca's boyfriend training to be a PA was here, and helped me through it. Had a cannabis sleep gummy before bed, which is supposed to chill things out, but I have had the elevated heart rate response to weed before. It is usually associated with smoking too much sativa though. And I can usually get it under control with Atenolol, which didn't work so well this time. Some deep breathing seemed to help.

All this to say that even though nothing medical was found, I am wondering if it was just the stress finally breaking through after a couple of years of fear, grief and care giving, since around April of 2021.



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